


Dinner Party of the Gods

by Finely Honed (jaqen_hgar)



Series: Ancient Warrior Bucky [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Ancient Warrior Bucky, Archaeologist Tony Stark, Awesome Pepper Potts, Crossdressing, Idiots in Love, M/M, Rhodey Is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2018-04-09 11:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4347245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaqen_hgar/pseuds/Finely%20Honed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A great many things in Tony’s life changed after his fateful trip to the amusement park.</p><p>The one side effect he hadn’t planned for when being resurrected was the potentiality that he might come home from the grocery store to find a jackal-headed god hanging out on his couch, drinking a Mai Tai and watching TV with their pet crocodile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dinner Party of the Gods

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: just read the latest Ancient Warrior Bucky post (and bloody hell was is amazing) and i was wondering, imagine Bucky and Tony ending up with Surfer Dude!Anubis (that's what i'm calling him) in their home for some odd reason. maybe Anubis just wants to chill, maybe he wants to catch the latest episode of Elementary and Horus wrecked the TV in the afterlife. and maybe Anubis kind of maybe ends up crushing on Pepper (because Pepper is awesome) idk, i just kind of want some more Surfer Dude!Anubis.

A great many things in Tony’s life changed after his fateful trip to the amusement park.

He had a giant, awkward, but kind of awesome glowing blue stone stuck in the center of his chest. Sure, the glow made it sort of hard to sleep at night, but Bucky had just solved that problem by placing a cat on his chest. Maybe it wasn’t an ideal solution, but it did the trick in a pinch.

As far as Tony and Bucky were concerned, they were married now, because he wasn’t sure what else to call a commitment between two people that extended even beyond  _death_. They didn’t bother with a proper wedding ceremony, or actual legalities, though. Bucky’s forged passport wasn’t going to be much use for obtaining a marriage license, Rhodey and Pepper would have been the only (normal) attendees anyway, and Rhodey was terrified that it’d all go horribly wrong.

They did decide to wear matching rings, though, and Pepper and Rhodey came over for the celebratory dinner where they were exchanged. He let Bucky pick the bands, which was probably a mistake, because they looked like snakes eating their own tails. Tony actually loved them, but Pepper still shook her head whenever she saw the rings.

Oh, and it was next to impossible to injure himself, or die, apparently. Also, they could have cotton candy whenever they wanted, so there was that. He was sort of confused as to how they hadn’t run out yet. Tony had made a point of not refilling the machine, and Bucky swore he only touched it to  _remove_  cotton candy, and yet it was always filled. Considering how crazy his life had turned out, Tony wouldn’t have been surprised to learn Bucky had trained the cats to take care of it for them.

The one side effect he hadn’t planned for when being resurrected was the potentiality that he might come home from the grocery store to find a jackal-headed god hanging out on his couch, drinking a Mai Tai and watching TV with their pet crocodile.

“Bro,” Anubis growled, the rumble of his voice sending several cats scurrying from the room.

Tony liked to think he was getting better at just going with the flow. He didn’t throw the groceries down, or scream in shock, he just sweetly called, “Bucky?”

“Dude’s taking a bubble bath,” Anubis said after the fourth or fifth time Tony yelled for Bucky and received no reply.

“What are you doing here, anyway?” Tony asked, exasperation getting the best of him. “Aren’t you supposed to be off embalming something?”

Tony made a mental note to try not to make Anubis laugh again, because it was just an unsettling sound. “Osiris forbade TV in the afterlife once  _Mad Men_  ended. Gotta catch up on my stories.”

“Okay, well, you need to do it somewhere else,” Tony shouted as he headed into the kitchen. “We have plans tonight.”

They had less than two hours before Pepper would be arriving, and while she’d been pretty accepting of the insanity that was his life since meeting Bucky, he couldn’t quite think of a scenario in which she didn’t lose her mind over a muscular jackal headed man hanging out in his living room in a skirt.

Tony got the groceries put away as quickly as possible, then headed upstairs, shuddering as Anubis chuckled along with a sitcom laugh track. His life had changed a lot, but he was still pretty sure laughter was  _not_ supposed to make you want to run and hide.

Making his way to their bedroom, Tony entered fully prepared to have a debate, but promptly forgot all about it. Bucky was standing at their mirror, wearing a tiny pair of white booty shorts, braiding his hair. “Please tell me that isn’t what you’re wearing to dinner.”

Bucky spun and smiled, and Tony felt all his tension melting away. Bucky was dangerously good at that, it was an evil weapon that forced Tony to throw all logic out the window and go along with whatever his love wanted.

“Don’t be silly,” he answered, motioning for Tony to come give him a kiss. “I’m wearing that.”

Tony grinned stupidly against Bucky’s mouth, bringing their lips together again and again, unwilling to let the kiss end until Bucky licked his nose and gave him a playful shove toward the bed.

“Is dinner started?” he asked.

Tony finally looked to where Bucky had pointed earlier, taking note of the flowing, lightweight material before lifting it from the edge of the bed and holding it against himself. Immediately, Bucky started snickering.

“What, you’re allowed to wear dresses but I’m not?” Tony asked, although his reflection told him Bucky was right to laugh.

“If you wanna wear a dress I’ll buy you one that’ll look good on you,” Bucky answered easily, taking the garment off of Tony’s hands. “Something that’d suit you.”

“One that isn’t long enough that I’d trip and kill myself wearing it, you mean.”

“That too.”

Tony beamed at him for a moment, until Bucky shook his head and laughed. “So… dinner?”

Just like that, Tony remembered why he’d come upstairs in the first place. “Why is Anubis on our couch? He’s not staying, is he?”

“You invited Rhodey and Pepper,” Bucky pointed out, tying off the ends of his hair. “Can’t I invite one of my friends?”

“You guys are friends now?”

“Friends from way back.”

It was difficult to concentrate on what the problem was supposed to be while watching Bucky slide the white linen dress over his shoulders, smoothing the flowing fabric down over his beautiful, muscled body, and…

“We just lost touch, what with me being not-quite-dead and all.”

“Mm hm.”

The dress was long enough that the hem brushed the tops of Bucky’s feet, and had a slit up one side so that if Tony wanted to, he could reach over, and slide his hand beneath the fabric, and stroke Bucky’s muscular thigh. Spaghetti straps that looked downright  _criminal_ against Bucky’s broad shoulders, and showed off his collarbones, and the long lines of his throat, and…

“He’s already here. Seems kinda rude to kick him out.”

Tony nodded his agreement, captivated by watching Bucky make minor adjustments to the way the dress fell. “Very rude. Very, very rude.”

Bucky headed for the closet to grab some sandals, and Tony groaned, and just about lost his mind. “It’s  _backless_?”

“Not entirely.”

It was close enough. There were strappy criss-cross bits up around the shoulder blades, but then everything was wide open and dipped dangerously down to the small of Bucky’s back. The sight made Tony’s heart lurch with a profound need to explore the general vicinity with his tongue.

A sound from downstairs dragged him from his reverie. It sounded an awful lot like the front door slamming. With a little whimper, Tony rushed from the room and took the stairs as quickly as possible, jumping down the last three in time to see Rhodey standing with his hands on his hips, looking like he’d already lost all patience with the world.

“Why don’t I smell anything cooking, Tony?”

That wasn’t what he’d been expecting. He leaned over, and sure enough, Anubis was still in the living room with some of the strays, watching cartoons now.

“Uh, hi?”

“I’m onto you,” Rhodey continued, jabbing a finger in Tony’s general direction. “You tricked me over here early to help you cook.”

“Really, the food is what has your attention right now?”

There was a loud snort from the living room, followed by, “Chill. He can’t see me unless I want him to, dude.”

“What else would have my attention?” Rhodey asked, narrowing his eyes and looking into the livingroom when Tony didn’t answer. Seeing nothing amiss, he looked back to Tony for answers. “Is freaky shit going down again? It’s my day  _off_ , I refuse to fight the undead.”

Tony opened his mouth, then promptly closed it. “Nope. Nothing freaky. Let’s cook.”

“I knew it!”

+

Little known fact, Rhodey was a beast in the kitchen. He’d actually been the one to teach Tony to cook, and never let him forget it. By the time Bucky came back downstairs, the house was starting to smell delicious, to the point that Tony could sense the various animals queuing up outside the kitchen, despairing their lack of opposable thumbs, as the door was firmly shut to keep them from getting underfoot.

Rhodey was such a good cook, and so used to bossing Tony around in the kitchen, that it wasn’t until they heard Pepper arriving that Tony remembered the whole Egyptian God factor.

“So, moment of honesty—and don’t freak out, okay?—Anubis showed up, and he’s staying for dinner.”

Rhodey continued drying his hands on a kitchen towel. “Who’s that?”

“ _Anubis_.”

Tony watched as Rhodey struggled with the name, obviously hoping it was a  _person_  named Anubis, and not, “wait, as in  _the_  Anubis?”

Tony nodded.

“You said nothing freaky. You promised!”

“Okay, in my defense, technically I didn’t promise. But you can’t see him anyway, so it’ll probably be fine.”

“A jackal headed god is joining us for dinner, and your response is everything’s probably fine?”

That was when they heard the scream. Tony and Rhodey exchanged glances, then ran out to see what horrific fate was about to befall them, armed with a butcher’s knife and—Tony looked down at his hand in dismay—a ladle.

“I love them!” Pepper was saying as the two skidded to a halt in the foyer. She was all bright eyes and smiles, clutching a pair of shoes to her chest. “Tony! Look what Bucky bought me.”

Tony nodded, hiding the ladle behind his back. “Very scream worthy. Just what we thought was happening out here.”

Pepper arched an eyebrow in his direction before taking the arm Bucky offered her. “I don’t want to know,” she said sweetly, pausing to give each of the men a kiss on the cheek before heading outside with Bucky. “It’s my day off, and I want wine and dinner.”

“See? Fine.”

Which was when Rhodey screamed a very manly sort of scream, where he swallowed most of the sound, shoving a fist against his mouth and pointing to where Anubis was standing.

“I thought he couldn’t see you?” Tony whined.

Anubis ignored him, though, his eyes looking… well, uncomfortably puppyish, as he stared in the direction Pepper had headed.

“Bro,” he growled, turning to look at Tony. “ _Dude_ ,” he added for emphasis, “she is smoking hot! Who was that?”

“Pepper. My friend Pepper. My sweet, lovely—has no idea I play host to gods, or resurrected my boyfriend from the dead—friend Pepper.”

“Boyfriend?” Anubis snorted. “He  _was_  your boyfriend, now he’s your soulmate, dude.”

Rhodey edged closer to Tony, his eyes still wide, but seemingly otherwise relaxed. As far as recovering from shock went, Rhodey was a pro.

“You understand him?”

Tony hung his head and groaned. “Yup. He’s making eyes at Pepper.”

“Oh no no,” Rhodey said, gesturing with the butcher’s knife. “Pepper is sacred. You do not ogle her.”

Anubis actually whined, high pitched and much too much like a dog for Tony’s comfort.

“Hey, I’m a respectable dude,” Anubis protested, smoothing down the skirt he was wearing and adjusting his jewelry. “If the lady isn’t interested, that’s cool, big respect.”

“You need to handle this,” Rhodey insisted, snatching the ladle from Tony’s hand. “I have food to worry about.”

So Tony was left to trot after Anubis all on his own, making quiet, halfhearted protests as he followed, wondering if Pepper would ever talk to him again.

“Oh, here he is.” Bucky stood up with a smile, gesturing. “This is Anubis. Anubis, this is Pepper Potts.”

“A pleasure to meet you,” Pepper said, her smile never faltering as she extended her hand to shake.

To Tony’s horror and dismay, Anubis took the offered hand and  _kissed_  it, which made Pepper giggle. Tony was pretty sure he’d actually hit his head, or fallen asleep, because it made no sense. Screaming, he’d expected a lot more screaming from Pepper, perhaps even some fainting.

She was wide eyed and obviously trying not to stare too much, but the freak out was decidedly absent.

“Dude never mentioned how beautiful you were,” Anubis said, and Pepper giggled again. _Giggled_!

“Oh, stop,” Pepper insisted, turning to Bucky. “You didn’t warn me he was a flirt.”

“This is a new side I’m seeing,” Bucky swore, pouring the wine and offering Pepper a glass.

“Hey, hot stuff, can I talk to you for a second?”

Bucky and Pepper shared a look, then Bucky excused himself so Tony could lead him back into the house for a minute.

“You look amazing,” Tony said, which made Bucky grin wolfishly, which in turn reminded Tony of why he needed to talk. Wolf, dog, jackal. It was a logical thought progression. “What the hell!”

“Did you not want me looking amazing?” Bucky asked, eyebrow arched. “Not sure how to pull that off. I’m kinda amazing by default.”

“The Anubis thing,” Tony sputtered. “Rhodey didn’t understand him but Pepper does, and she’s not freaking out, so, uh, is there some sort of magical whammy going on or…”

“What’s a magical whammy?”

Tony hung his head, hands in his hair. “I don’t know.”

“Pepper sees what you see, as long as what you see is a jackal headed man with an enviable physique.”

Tony gasped, then looked down at himself, then back up at Bucky.

“You’re perfect,” Bucky said with a sigh, “stop being dumb. Pepper is very open minded and adaptable.”

“She doesn’t even know the truth about  _you_ , Bucky, so…”

“Sure she does.”

Tony blinked. He blinked some more. “Uh…”

“Pepper’s smart, you don’t think she noticed the arm and got curious? She asked me about it  _ages_  ago and I told her what’s up.”

Well. That at least explained why Pepper had always been so blasé about the whole thing. Tony wasn’t sure why it hasn’t occurred to him that the two of them would talk. About him. Oh, yes, that was definitely an uncomfortable thought. Pepper had so much dirt on him it wasn’t funny.

“Does she know about,” and he tapped against his chest.

“Yeah? I even got some of the cats, Antony, and Sobek to help me recreate our visit to the amusement park. Standing ovation, by the way. I’m thinkin’ of pitching it as a movie. Tony, she’s your friend, why wouldn’t…”

Tony hugged him, because he  _hated_  hiding stuff from Pepper, but hadn’t known how to tell her or bring it up without hurting her feelings for having waited so long, or without making her head explode from the insanity, or…

“This is great,” he swore, realizing Bucky was legitimately becoming concerned that he’d overstepped his bounds. “Now I don’t have to wear three shirts!”

Tony tugged two of them off so that the blue glow became visible through the remaining shirt, and sighed his relief. It was warm outside.

Bucky smiled, pulled him into a kiss, and made a clicking noise with his mouth that had half the animals following him back outside for dinner.

Grinning like a lovesick dork, Tony trotted back into the kitchen to help Rhodey with the food. Which was good, because then he could prepare Rhodey for the reality of having dinner with Anubis.

+

“Yeah, I was King of the whole shebang for awhile there,” Anubis explained. “I got a whole different soul gig now, which is actually way less hassle, so no hard feelings. Osiris can be King all he wants.”

“That’s fascinating,” Pepper said, actually looking like she meant it.

She and Anubis had been chatting away all night, getting on like a house on fire, much to Rhodey’s dismay.

“He know any goddesses without animal heads?” Rhodey asked, tilting his head in Bucky’s direction.

Tony wanted to laugh, but considering Bucky couldn’t remember most of his past, and Tony still had no idea who it was Osiris had called during the whole being resurrected from the dead fiasco, it was suddenly a lot less funny.

“I’m scared to ask,” Tony admitted. “You’d probably wind up cursed or turned into a statue, and I’d never forgive myself.”

“Fair enough.” Rhodey tipped his beer bottle and clinked it against Tony’s own.

Across the table, Bucky grinned, arm resting across the back of Pepper’s chair, looking for all the world like the cat who got the canary. “And you were worried,” he said, rolling his eyes.

So Tony rose from his seat, raised his bottle, and tapped it with his fork to get everyone’s attention. “Uh, I’d like to make a toast to the best soulmate in the world,” he said. “Bucky, life might be a little crazier since you came along, but I can honestly say I wouldn’t change a thing. I love you, and, ah, that dress is  _really_  working. Oh, and, Rhodey, thanks for making dinner. Pepper, Anubis, thanks for joining us, and um, I’m sitting down now. As you were.”

But everyone gave a little cheer, and toasted away before settling back down into comfortable conversation, Bucky nudging him with a foot and mouthing, “I love you, too,” once Tony was looking.

As far as dinner parties went, it was pretty great. Tony was positive Pepper had made a powerful friend for life, the food was awesome, Rhodey actually got to relax, and Bucky was beautiful, and perfect, and made Tony’s heart race whenever he looked at him.

It wasn’t until everyone was leaving that Anubis fished into his skirt, and pulled out something papery, and worn looking. “Almost forgot,” he growled, handing it over to Bucky. “Osiris got a postcard for you, dude. Asked me to fork it over.”

Bucky’s eyes widened as he looked it over. “Huh. Hey, y’know, this almost looks familiar?”

Tony accepted the card, which didn’t even feel like paper, felt like nothing he’d ever touched before. And the image depicted wasn’t static. As he stared, the people and the scenery moved, as if an actual moment in time had been captured and deposited within the postcard.

Feeling oddly nervous, Tony flipped it over and saw  _Congrats on the soul bonding. XOXO._ There was no signature.

“Where is this?” Tony asked before Anubis could leave.

“Heh. Don’t worry, Bucky’ll tell you when he remembers. Later bros! Thanks for the grub.”

Tony watched as Anubis disappeared, jumping when he felt Bucky’s arm around his waist, pulling him into a half-hug as he took the postcard from Tony’s hand. “The name of the place is on the tip of my tongue,” he murmured, turning it this way and that to watch the light changing and the people moving in the scene. With a shrug, he handed it back to Tony, and planted a kiss on his forehead. “Sure it’ll come back to me at some point.”

And although he wanted to poke and prod and argue until the information magically sprung from Bucky’s head, Tony set the postcard down on a nearby table, and very willingly allowed himself to be led upstairs, smile growing wider as he watched the sway of Bucky’s hips, and admired the way his ankles looked as he gathered up the fabric of his dress so as not to tread upon it while walking up the stairs.

Everything else could wait. Right now he had better things to occupy his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> IT TOOK FOREVER!!! But the Warrior is back. And he'll be back again. And... is that Bruce Banner I see on the horizon? Hmm, it might just be.


End file.
